Today we are taking Ethan for an evaluation with a new speech therapist and a new occupational therapist.
I was writing a post about how we found out about this facility and these services but I realized that particular story is a part of another story that will have to wait. I need to go walking to get my eyes and heart turned towards God and off myself and Ethan's injury before we face another evaluation. And besides that, I got into the Ritz crackers last night. I don't know why. I don't really even like them that much!
Will these be the people God will use to help Ethan? People God will use to help us to be able to help him at home? Are we on the right path or will this be another wild goose chase? Has God made these therapist known to us? Was it just a fluke that a family we have heard about for years and never met, happened to be in the doctor's office with us the other day. They told us about these therapists. Or was that meeting a divine appointment?
Will these therapists, who are strangers, love our child? Will they see the sparkle, the hope and anticipation in his eyes or will he be just another hurt and broken body they are paid to work with?
Will we get in the car this afternoon to drive home with encouragement or disappointment?
This is the part I don't like. The unknown. The lack of control.
But, "We walk by faith. Not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5: 7.
One thing that I have learned over the last 41/2 years is that what looks great in the beginning can turn out to be hurtful and harmful. And what looks terrible and feels extremely painful in the beginning can be a most perfect and gracious gift.
So we pray. We pour out our hearts to God. We tell Him everything we want for Ethan, for ourselves. And we know that He is a good Father. That He will never give us something that looks like bread but it's really a stone.
And then when a door is opened, we ask, is this the one. If we don't hear an answer and we are still confused we have two choices. To wait and pray some more or to take a deep breath and walk through it. We've done both. Today, even though we aren't quite sure what this door means, we believe we are to walk through it. Well, actually, to drive to it.
Someone wise, who loves me a lot told me that sometimes we ask and then we walk. Trusting the whole time that God has heard our prayers and that the Holy Spirit is leading us. And if we have misunderstood, we trust that He will turn us around.
Maybe, today isn't for us. Maybe today, someone we meet will have just needed to see a miracle. Maybe today, our story will bless someone as they hear about His grace. Maybe today, someone needs to just see that even though a family has experienced hurt and disappointment, that life is still good. If God is in it, it's good. Good beyond words. Maybe today, someone needs to hear us laugh. To see us love each other.
There are many of God's verses I could use to back up everything I've written. But I will finish with one of my favorite passages that God has spoken over me time and time again.
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you. I have called you by name. You are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you. And through the river, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, Nor shall the flame scorch you. For I AM the Lord your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Saviour."Now, I am ready to go.
Isaiah 43 : 1-3a
Isaiah 43 : 1-3a
Picture of open door from