BUT GOD...

Sunday afternoon we went for a walk and Ethan rode on his bike. Jim ordered it and customized it for Ethan's needs. Jim changed the gears so as we push it, the pedals go around. It's great exercise for Ethan and it's great for retraining his legs to push. He can actually do it a little. It has stick-steering on it and Ethan's doing great keeping it on the road!

He loves being outside. And we have such a gorgeous view for our outings. Bayley looks pooped-out in the picture, but she loves it too. But the "110% humidity" doesn't help.

A couple of little boys, maybe about 9 or 10 years old, came flying by on their bikes. They were zooming. Ethan just watched them as they rode by. Ethan has always loved bikes. He has a long history with them! Does Evil Knievel ring a bell? He knocked his two front teeth loose falling off a bike when he was two. He broke his leg falling off a bike when he was four. And sometime after that, he jammed the handle bars of his bike into his stomach and we spent about 10 hours in the emergency room. They were sure he had internal bleeding but he didn't.

One Christmas when Ethan was a freshman in college, "Santa" brought him a really nice bike. He would call me after a long ride. He would tell me how good it felt.

So, when those little guys rode by, I turned to see Ethan's face. He just watched the boys go by and my heart sank. I mean, it really sank.

And at that moment I had a choice. A choice to see the hurt and the loss. Or the choice to see my child enjoying being outside. Enjoying the view. Having his dog beside him. Moving. Being alive. I had a choice to give into the despair of not being able to make things right for my child, or to just enjoy the moment of the three of us being together and loving each other. A moment that might never have been. A moment the enemy meant to take away. "But God..."

And that's really the reason for everything. "But God..."

Remember when Joseph told his brothers, "You meant to harm me, but God used it for good." Genesis 50 : 20

And when David was hiding from Saul in the caves and the mountains and Saul looked for him day and night, 1 Samuel 23 : 14 tells us, but God did not deliver him unto Saul's hands.


Paul writes in Philippians that Epaphroditus was sick almost unto death, but God had mercy on him...

And in First Corinthians, Paul reminds us that we will face temptations of every kind but God is faithful that He will not allow us to be tempted beyond what we are able, but with the temptation He will make a way of escape, that we will be able to bear it. (That deserves a hallelujah!)

And isn't all our hope based on this verse? But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

So, as I stood there with Ethan on his new bike and watched his face, I chose "But God..."

But God... loves me. But God... loves my son. But God... gave Ethan back to me. But God... covers us with His blessings everyday. But God... who makes a way, when there doesn't seem to be one. But God... who gives laughter, when there should just be crying. But God... who turns our mourning into dancing. But God... who sent His Son to die, so mine could live.

My flesh and my heart fail;

But God is the strength of my heart

And my portion forever.

Psalms 73 : 26

Yesterday, I chose to remember His benefits. I chose to believe not what I saw, But God... The next time my heart sinks, I don't know what I 'll do. I hope I trust Him. But a flood may come and knock me off my feet. But God... is faithful. Even when I'm not. And those are some good words to go to sleep with tonight.