Tuesday, September 23, 2008


The other day, someone ridiculed me about my blogging. I knew that one day that would happen. But I was caught off guard, and it hurt. Really hurt.

And here's what God did:

"He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will deliver him and honor him."
Psalm 91:15

He delivered me.

How? How did He deliver me?

With His Word!

After a few tears, I felt an amazing determination rise up inside of me. A sense of Godly stubbornness that wasn't going to let the enemy win. I thought of Joseph saying to his brothers:

"But as for you, you meant evil against me;
but God meant it for good."
Genesis 50:20

I am sometimes not a very rational or reasonable person. Especially when my feelings have been hurt.

I usually go find a hole, crawl into it, and after a little while, climb out of it. By the time I climb out of it, I have convinced myself that whatever the person has said to hurt me is probably true. That they were right.

Oh, that lovely co-dependency. How it loves to show up.


"God's word (really) is alive.
It (really) is powerful.
It (really) is sharper than any two-edged sword,
piercing even to the division of soul and spirit,
and of joints and marrow,
and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
Hebrews 4:12

And that's where my determination and the stubbornness came from.

His Word reminded me that words spoken to tear me down, He will use to lift me up. Words spoken to shut my mouth, He will use to make me speak. Words that are spoken to make me hide my feelings and experiences with God, He will use to help me
be vulnerable and to open myself up to others. Words spoken to make me hide my light, He will use to make it shine brighter and brighter.

Words that used to make me a co-dependent, whinny, emotional basket-case, are words He will use to make me a strong, brave, steadfast warrior for Him.

I just have to run to Him. And trust Him.

Before you start thinking that the person that said this to me is a horrible, no-good person, wait. They aren't.

Here's why:

"For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood,
but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this age,
against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places."
Ephesians 6:12

The person who ridiculed me for blogging is not my enemy. That person does not know how hard it has been for me to be vulnerable. To open myself up to others. To take off the mask. That person also does not know how hard it has been to take the risk of being hurt, and to be rejected once again. They do not know the peace that writing about my walk with the Lord brings me.

But, the enemy does.

He knows the struggles I have being misunderstood. He knows how he has used my failures to keep me from doing the things God has called me to do. The enemy knows when to draw back his nasty bow and shoot his arrows. He knows where to aim: at the wounds that haven't yet healed.

The person that spoke the words was only the messenger.

It hurts me to think about the times I have been his messenger. The times he has sent me out with sarcasm, blame, and discouraging words. The times I have spoken words that brought shame to someone's heart and doubts to their minds.

Do we really believe how vile he is? How merciless his actions are against us?

Last fall, I attended a women's conference in Panama City. To say it was a blessing would be an understatement. The speaker talked on the life of Esther. She said that from the beginning of the story, God was turning the tables. He was making things right. He was rewriting the story.

Haman was an evil man and out of his cold, dark heart came a plan to destroy Mordecai, Esther's cousin, and to destroy the children of God. Haman's plan was to have the king hang Mordecai on gallows that Haman had prepared for him.

As the story continues, it looks like Haman's plans are going to come about. Then the speaker said something that made me want to climb up on top of the table and dance! She said, "And then God finished turning the tables once and for all. He turned the evil that was meant for Mordecai and the Jews, into good. It was finished and so was Haman." He was hung on the gallows he had built for Mordecai.

What made me want to get on the tables and dance was remembering how Satan had used his evil
to try and destroy me and my family
to have me run away from God
to have me blame God
to have me think I am separated from His grace and mercy
to make me question God's love for me
to have me live in my guilt and shame
to make me feel like a loser and a failure
to shut me up!

But God was turning the tables. Sometimes slowly, but always faithfully.

And He is always turning them in the direction of my good.

And though I see victory, and believe that in this world I truly am an overcomer, one day I am going to see the tables turned once and for all.

In the book, Disappointment With God, Philip Yancey reminds his readers that, yes, it's true; everything has been put under the feet of Jesus. That means all, "unfairness; all war and violence, all hatred and lust, all triumph of evil over good, all illness and death, all tears and groans, all the disappointment and despair of this chaotic world." But, Yancey also reminds us that, it doesn't feel like it. And the reason is found at the end of Hebrews 2:8, "But now, we do not yet see all things put under Him."

When Jesus said on the cross, "It is finished," He told me how my story was going to end. But, one day, I am going to see how glorious it ends. I'll see it with my very, own eyes!

I am going to close the comment section on this post. I know some of you would like to encourage me. That you'd like to run to my rescue and tell me that this blog has been a blessing to you. You are precious to me and I thank you in advance.

But I have already been rescued. He's already done it.

He's turning the tables.