Here's something I've been wanting to share but I was afraid I would be misunderstood. I realized yesterday there's a good chance that I will spend the rest of my life being misunderstood.
So be it.
God didn't create me to be understood.
Count me in on the crowd, Christian or not, whose passions have run amuck during this political season. Count me in on those who have wasted way too many hours watching the news or reading articles on the computer. During the last few months, I've been offended and I'm sure I have offended others. I've been ridiculed and I've ridiculed others. My Christianity has been questioned and I've questioned the faith of others.
But over and over again, in the middle of being caught up in this world and its "going-ons," God has reminded me of the following truth.
And the truth is...
When Jim and I were driving to Gainesville knowing we might not make it to Ethan before he died, it wasn't a man we cried out to. We didn't call on a politician. We cried out to God.
When we had two flat tires that Sunday night and everything was closed, it wasn't a politician that provided us with tires to get us to our dying son.
When I walked into Ethan's room that night and saw him laying there, on dialysis, breathing on a ventilator, it wasn't a politician, or any man, that held me up.
When the doctors told us that Ethan's brain was swelling, that there was nothing they could do and that he would die in 48 hours, I didn't stand over my child and cry out to a man. I wasn't trusting a politician with Ethan's eternity. It didn't matter who was in the White House. I could not have cared less. I needed a Savior for me and my child.
When Ethan didn't die in those 48 hours and the doctors came in and told me that He would live the rest of his life in a vegetative state, it wasn't the president that came to me, in my darkest moment, to tell me that "He was in this." And if it had been the president that said it, it wouldn't have had the power to take me from the deep, dark pit of despair I was in.
When I sat by Ethan's hospital bed with his body and mind so broken. When he didn't even know I was there and that I was his mom. When I turned on the television one Sunday morning and I saw healthy, strong young people singing praises to God, and I realized what my rebellion and stupidity had done. When I realized what I had stolen away from Ethan, well, it wasn't the president that came to me and held me and reminded me that "His yoke was easy and His burden was light."
When Ethan woke up that beautiful spring day four months later, it wasn't at the hand of a Republican or a Democrat. There was no man that had "fought the powers of hell or the schemes of man" to save my child.
When the four of us have the chance to be together. When I hear my three guys laughing. I know it wasn't a man that put my family back together.
I could go on and on. The last five years have been filled with thousands of "whens." Over and over again, it's been God and God alone.
And it hasn't been just the last five years, it's been forever. Since before the foundation of the world. He has been there for me. Not a president. Not any created being.
When I wake up in the morning and I wonder how I will face another day, it's Him I call to.
When I wake up in the middle of the night, and I think about our future. Ethan's future. It's God I cry to.
The president doesn't see my heart when it's broken. He doesn't know when I cry. But God has told me that He sees each one of my tears and, in His tenderness, He bottles up each one.
When I pass a young dad in the grocery store, pushing his little girl or boy in the cart, and I'm reminded that... what once could have been for Ethan, may not be what God has for him now. And it is God alone that gives me hope and grace for the moment to trust that His ways are always good. That His heart is, in all ways, good towards my child.
Over and over again, it's God.
That's why I ask for forgiveness for my misplaced loyalty. For the wasted time and emotion, and for finding myself way too much caught up in "this kingdom" instead of His.
So, regardless of who the new president is, either way, it's gonna be God.
And for that, I will always have reason to sing. And hope.
And, why... I'll always be a winner.