I remember the words Jesus spoke about forgiveness.
"For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." (Matthew 6:14-15)
They didn't know they had hurt me. But they had. And when I couldn't stop the bleeding from the wound and make it go away, I chose to forgive.
Forgiveness is always a choice.
He chose once and for all.
I whisper the words and tell Him what they did. I almost feel like I am tattling on a friend. But He says that "He is my refuge and that I can pour my heart out to Him." (Psalm 62:8)
So I do.
With all the horrible pain and sadness and loss people are experiencing, my words sound silly and petty.
But it hurt. And I have to be honest.
Honesty is the first requirement in all forgiveness.
I whisper my sins to Jesus. I whisper how I have spoken hurtful words and how I have refused to give grace. I tell Him about not turning the other cheek, and of thinking the worst. I tell Him of the times through the day that I forgot Him. The times I chose to do it my way. I confess I heard Him say "no".
And it all unfolds in front of me. How my sins were much more intentional. How they were much more hurtful and spiteful. How they were against Him.
I wonder will I change? Will I be different tomorrow? Is there hope for me?
I ask for His forgiveness.
And it starts to rain.
And it's raining Grace.
I can feel it hit my face, and it covers me, and I know He is washing it all away.
He is washing away what I've done to others, and what they have done to me.
The Grace-rain falls so hard that when it stops, it leaves puddles.
The Rainmaker has left me puddles of Grace.
"God's law was given so people could see how sinful they were. But as people sinned more and more, God's wonderful grace became more abundant. So just as sin ruled over all people and brought them to death, now God's wonderful grace rules instead, giving us right standing with God and resulting in eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." (Romans 5:20-21. NLT)