NEVER ONCE

I knew the words were true, when I first heard the words to Matt Redman's song, "Never Once."

Because I know, that we have never once walked alone.

"Standing on this mountaintop

Looking just how far we've come

Knowing that for every step

You were with us.

Kneeling on this battleground

Seeing just how much You've done

Knowing every victory

Was Your power in us.

Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Yes, our hearts can say.

Never once did we ever walk alone

Never once did you leave us on our own

You are faithful, God You are faithful.

December 7-2003 - December 7, 2012

"Scars and struggles on the way

But with joy our hearts can say

Never once did we ever walk alone.

Carried by Your constant grace

Held within Your perfect peace

Never once, no, we never walked alone."

Yes today, nine years later, we are carried by His constant grace and held within His perfect peace.

There are struggles every day, but we have joy when we remember.

When we remember that we have never walked alone.

THE STRENGTH GIVER

My sister ran out to the car to get something, and I was left alone with the lady who was going through my dad's clothes.

Funeral homes are quiet.

I didn't want to be there.

I didn't want to do what I was doing.

And then I remembered.

And my knees started to buckle under me.

I remembered when the doctors had said that Ethan wouldn't live.

They told us over and over again.

I stood there and wondered, how would I have ever been able to take Ethan's clothes to a funeral home?

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

And I knew that if He had called me to do it, that's how I would have done it.

And if he ever calls me to do it, that is how I will do it.

It's how I've done everything else for the last eight years.

It hasn't been my strength.

It has been by His.

I breathed deep and long and thanked God, that by His grace and by His mercy and by His power, Ethan is with us today.

And I breathed deep and long and I thanked Him for His strength.

Strength that is outside of me.

Strength that is outside of being a mother.



There were many many tears, but we did celebrate on the day we said goodbye to our dad.

We celebrated the man my daddy was on that beautiful warm winter day.

The sky was as blue as God could ever have made it.

We celebrated as we introduced Our Miracle to Daddy's friends and distant family members.

We celebrated as they met their answered prayers.

x

x

x

Yes we celebrated.

But most of all we celebrated The Giver of Life and The Giver of Miracles.

And I celebrated His Strength.

Philippians 4:13

BECAUSE

The question comes.

Why?

Why must I do it your way?

Why can't I do it mine?

I plead my case.

I've tried your way. It's too hard. It's too slow. It hurts.

I've tried playing by the rules, but sometimes it seems that I'm the only one and it takes two.

I've tried to follow the Christian principles, you know, the ones in the books, but they didn't work.

Doing it your way looks like someone's going to be left out and hurt and rejected and misunderstood, and I'm pretty sure that that someone is going to be me.

You just don't understand.

I'm tired.

My way makes sense.

Yours doesn't.

Why do it your way?

Why can't I do it my way?

In the quiet, just as the sun is making its first appearance of the day, God whispers His answer into my spirit.


And my spirit whispers it to me.

Answers usually come in the quiet.

In the quiet, where there are no distractions.

In the quiet, where there are no "bodies" to run to. No "bodies" to listen to me and no "bodies" to tell me what I want to hear.

In the quiet, spirit speaks to spirit.


Because He Is Worthy.

That's the answer.

That's the only answer.

Because He is worthy.

There's no case to be argued. No defense to be given. No threats are made. No manipulation.

Because He Is Worthy.


As The Light becomes brighter I can see.


I can see that ...

... sometimes we forgive, only because He Is Worthy.

... the cheek is turned, because He Is Worthy.

... we serve when there are no "thank-yous," because He Is Worthy.

... we take a chance and let go of the hurt knowing it may come again, because He Is Worthy.

... we keep our mouths closed and we don't give a defense, because He Is Worthy.

... we trust when we think it's as dark as dark can be, only to realize it's getting darker, because He Is Worthy.

... we don't quit when we see no fruit and the vine looks dead, because He Is Worthy

... we look past what we see to the unseen, because He Is Worthy.

... we love when the love is rejected and mocked, because He Is Worthy.

... we put ourselves out there and become vulnerable and exposed when it would make more sense to hide and build walls to protect ourselves, because He Is Worthy.

... we say no to the temporary fixes and highs that surround us, because He Is Worthy.

... when the finish line is so far we can't see it, and we know we're going to have to crawl on bloodied knees to cross it, we keep running the race because He Is Worthy.


The sun takes it's place on the stage of the day, and its light shines brighter than ever.

And in the light . . . His Light, I see, that Jesus is always the answer.

He was, and is and will always be the answer for every question.

He Alone Is Worthy.

"You asked,'Who is muddying the water, ignorantly confusing the issue, second guessing my purposes?'"

"I admit it. I was the one. I babbled on about things far beyond me, made small talk about wonders way over my head."

"I admit I once lived by rumors of you; now I have it all firsthand- from my own eyes and ears!"

from "The Message," Job 42:3 and 5

MONDAY'S GRATITUDE LIST

386. That He hears me and wants to answer me

387. That He waits for the quiet so I will be sure to hear

388. For times when there are no "bodies" to run to
389. That my foolishness and forgetfulness doesn't drive Him away

390. His understanding that the dust I'm made of is weak

391. The sun that gives light and warmth and reflects His Glory
392. His ways that are always better than mine
393. The strength that comes from Him to follow His ways that are better

394. A turned cheek

395. A quiet mouth

396. Learning to enjoy serving with no "thank-yous"

397. Vines that aren't dead

398. Learning that being misunderstood isn't the worst thing in the world

399. Coming out from behind the walls.

400. Knowing that the finish line is there

401. Pinching myself to see if it's true, that Seth is just an hour away from us
402. Hearing my two grown sons quote lines while they watch the Disney movie "Davy Crockett" one more time... and being flooded by sweet, sweet memories

403. Being reminded that "Nothing Is Impossible with God" when we went to get a Christmas tree















404. For your faithfulness, when one of your children asked to hear from you, and for the message of hope you gave her... and that she was willing to share your faithfulness with others... and that your love for her is perfect and forever

405. For Jesus who is the Answer to my every question