Tuesday, June 3, 2008
A Change of Plans
I had planned to spend last Monday at the beach with one of my most favorite people in the world. But I ran into an ite. Not a Canaanite, a Hittite, a Jebusite or an Amorite. It was a your child is in the hospital with a heart problem and he is 7 hours away-ite.
The fact he is living in a city where we don't know any doctors and have no relatives or close friends only made the ite appear that much bigger and that much more frightening. We have fought a heart problem-ite before but we have always been with him or at least a little closer.
When the phone call came at 6:30 Sunday morning, the first thing I thought about was my previous post. Remember! Don't forget His benefits! I thought about the Israelites in the wilderness. About their forgetfulness. I also thought about mine. I thought about the times I have forgotten His faithfulness. His mercy. His power. Times I failed to honor Him with my trust.
I sat down at the kitchen table and opened my Bible to Psalm 103. I read about the Healer. The Redeemer. I read about His lovingkindness and His tender mercies.
When I read how He has not dealt with me according to my sins and how He has not punished me according to my iniquities, I thought about the song, Just As I Am and the line that says, Without a plea, but that His blood was shed for me.
I read about how because I fear Him, He pities me like a father pities his child.
I read about how He has established His throne in heaven and His kingdom rules over all.
The next day, while son is still in the hospital with the ite, I picked up a book and an index card fell out onto the floor. Years before, I had written this definition of trust on the card. Trust is being convinced of the reliability of God.
I wanted to do it right this time. To trust Him from the beginning. To let Him know I remembered. That I hadn't forgotten all the times before when He had fought for my children. When He had fought and destroyed bigger and scarier ites than this one. The times He brought peace in a battle when there should not have been any.
In the book, Disappointment With God, Phillip Yancey talks about how God dealt with the people in the book of Genesis. He states that, "A cynic would say God taunted the creatures he was supposed to love. The Bible simply uses the cryptic phrase "by faith" to describe what they went through. Somehow, that "faith" was what God valued, and it soon became clear that faith was the best way for humans to express a love for God."
I knew by trusting Him in this, I would be telling Him that I loved Him.
I know there will be many more battles with an assortment of ites. Some of these ites I will invite into my life by choosing to do things my way instead of God's. Some ites I will have to face because they are just a part of life. And then there are ites that the enemy sends because He knows they will attack me where I am the weakest, like hurting my children -ites. I also believe God sends some ites my way to teach me to trust, to learn how to persevere. To refine me. He will fight for me against all of them.
But, will I let Him fight for me? Will I trust Him? I want to, but I know there will be many times when I won't. Times I will panic. Freak-out. Forget.
But even in those times, He speaks to me again from Psalm 103. "I know your frame. I know you are dust." And I think He knows when it comes to my boys, I am far less than dust.