IT MATTERS

#441-465

When we fail to Thank God, we say what He gave didn't matter.

 

Yesterday I did something that I had been putting off for quite a while.  I sorted through boxes and boxes of pictures of Ethan.  I had tried to do it before, but I quit before I really got started. It was just too hard. That was the day I learned, that if you cried hard enough, you could cry your contacts right out of your eyes.

It's hard looking at legs that used to walk, and run, and climb.  It's hard to look at legs that pushed pedals on bikes and flew across the water on skis. It's hard to look at legs that walked golf courses and danced with friends.

It's just hard.

I'd be lying if I said that, after 7 years, it doesn't hurt quite so much.

And I'd be lying if I said, I don't still ask why.

But I realized yesterday, while trying to keep hundreds of pictures from becoming wet with tears, that for twenty years, Ethan had so much more than so many other children have had.

I was thinking yesterday that there are children who will never know what it's like to walk, to ride a bike, or to hit a baseball.  There are children who will never know what it's like to run and jump into the gulf, or what it feels like to skim across the water on skis. There are children who will never know what it's like to have leg cramps from playing too hard outside, or what it's like to have aching feet from spending six hours on a golf course lugging around a heavy bag of clubs.

There are children who won't grow up to be teen-agers that drive, and go to dances. There are children that won't be able to stand taller than their dad, or wrestle on the floor with their brother or sister.

And though I don't understand why, and I wish with all my heart that all children could,  I do know, that the fact that Ethan could, was a gift from God.

So I  thanked Him.

I thanked God with every picture, and with every tear.

I thanked Him that Ethan pushed a swing, and climbed on a teeter-totter.

I thanked God for all the times E climbed on the kitchen counter, and for all the stairs he climbed.

I thanked God for the time when Ethan, unimpressed with our nation's capital, decided he was not going to climb one more step!

I thanked Him for all the times Ethan walked on the beach with the sand between his toes.

I thanked God for the trees He gave Ethan to climb, and for field days where he could run in a race and pull a rope in a tug-of-war.

I thanked God for the times Ethan jumped to shoot a basket and skated with friends.

 

I thanked God for all the times Ethan got to "show-off."

I thanked God that Ethan got to know what it was like to fly on skateboards and bikes.

I thanked God for all the things that Ethan drove and rode, and for all the pretending.

I thanked God that Ethan had the chance to drive a car, and to hang out with the best of friends.

I thanked God for the times Ethan explored, and for the times he conquered.

I thanked God for times Ethan went fishing with his brother, and for times he stood beside his dad.

I thanked God that Ethan knew what it was like to hit a baseball and to hunt for Easter eggs.

I thanked God that E was able to do something that he loved so much, and that he was able to do it for a long time. I watched Ethan practice for hours. I followed him around golf courses tournament after tournament. I saw how much he loved walking the courses, and experiencing the challenges. There was nowhere he'd rather be. And though it hurts that he can't do it now, I am so glad he was able to do it then.

I thanked God for all of this, and so much more. 

There are hundreds of pictures of Ethan.

And hundreds of thank-you's.

I thanked God, oh how I thanked Him, that the Ethan I see in the pictures, the Ethan that walked and ran and jumped and climbed and skied and biked and drove, is the same Ethan I see today.

He has all of his memories, all of his humor, all of his intelligence.

He has all of his heart. 

God didn't have to give any of it.

But He did.

And oh, how it matters.

Every single day, and every single minute.

 

"Even though our efforts to thank God in prayer are weak, nevertheless we find that when we succeed in truly thanking God, we feel good at heart. The reason is that we have been created to give glory to God, now and forevermore. And every time we give thanks, we feel that we are in harmony with his plans and purposes for our lives. Then we are truly in our element. That is why it is so blessed to give thanks."

O. Hallesby from the book "Prayer."