I don't have dreams where Ethan can walk.
I never have.
Once I did have a dream where Ethan called and said that he was sorry he scared us.
That he wasn't missing. That he had just gone to a concert and forgot to tell anyone.
And I remember the incredible joy that swept over me.
He wasn't dying.
He wasn't hurt.
Oh the joy I felt at hearing his voice.
Our nightmare was over and soon he would be home.
Ethan was never missing. But he was gone. Lost in that deep deep sleep.
I remember thinking about Elizabeth Smart's family.
Is that how they felt when they received the call telling them that their daughter had been found?
My relief was brief. It was only a dream.
But somehow, when I remember that dream, the joy I felt is still real.
I imagine maybe that's how God feels when I call on Him a hundred times a day and tell him that I'm not lost. That I'm not gone. That I forgot but now I remember.
Given a word. No editing. No rolling the words around in my head for days.
Just writing what comes to me. Kind of scary. Kind of fun.