Thursday, May 30, 2013


The other night I had to make an unexpected short little trip.

I found myself sitting at the red light directly in front of the place where we got the call that told us our lives would never be the same.

For years, I would have described that place as the place where we learned that our world had fallen apart.

But I don't feel that way now.

I know more than just about anything that, though it felt like our world had fallen apart, it was being held together by God Himself.

Yes, we were at the drive-up window at What-A-Burger when this journey began.

As I sat in the car alone, and realized where I was, I was surprised by my reaction.

The tears didn't flow. My heart didn't race. The flood of fear and terror that I felt that day didn't wash over me.

The light was long.

Tourists were already in town for Memorial Day.

I had a moment to think.

"Have I made peace with what happened to Ethan?  Have I finally accepted the news we received that day?"

In that moment I heard the music playing on the CD player in my car.

Until then, I couldn't have told you if it was even on or not.

"Promise Maker. Promise Keeper.
You finish what You begin.
Our provision through the desert
You see it through to the end.
You see it through to the end.

The Lord our God is ever faithful
Never changing through the ages.
From this darkness
You will lead us.
And forever we will say
You're the Lord our God.

In the silence, in the waiting
Still we can know You are good.
All Your plans are for Your glory
Yes, we can know You are good.
Yes, we can know You are good."

Listening to the words to that song, I knew that I could never make peace with what happened to Ethan.

I could never accept what he lost.

What we all lost.

It's not in me.

I'm his mother.

What I knew was that God had been faithful.

That He keeps the promises He has made.

I knew of His provision for Ethan, and for our family, in too many ways to name.

I knew that my feelings, my actions, my unfaithfulness, can never cause Him to change.

I knew that God had, and will continue to, lead us through the darkness.

I sat there, stilled by His presence, and I knew, that He is Good.

I picked up my phone and snapped a picture.

A picture of the place, where the journey began. 

The journey of just knowing how good God really is.

No comments:

Post a Comment