I've tried all week to write this post, but every time I became overwhelmed and gave up. I am going to try one more time.
I know that God and God alone brought Ethan back to us. I know that He gave Ethan back his memory, his personality, his sense of humor and his ability to think and reason. However, I often wonder how God will use him to make a difference in this world and in His kingdom. I am so amazed at what all God has done in Ethan's life, but sometimes frustrated at the same time that others may not see it. I want Ethan to know that his life makes a difference in this crazy world. I know that he might not ever be able to do the things that others do. I know that the plans and dreams that Ethan had for himself may have to change. I know that I have had to lay down many of my hopes for him. But I also know that God has a plan and a purpose for this life He saved.
Living with Ethan's injury day in and day out, and watching other young people get married, start new jobs, become independent, well, sometimes my eyes start focusing only on what I can see. How good is God that He rescues us with a word and helps us to remember that we have to believe to see. (John 11:40) He rescued me once again last Sunday morning.
I had a few moments to spare, so with a cup of coffee in one hand and the remote in the other, I went channel surfing. I ran across a preacher talking about Lazarus. Here is where God stepped in with His hope. "Then, six days before the Passover, Jesus came to Bethany, where Lazarus was who had been dead, whom He had raised from the dead. There they made Him a supper; and Martha served, but Lazarus was one of those who sat at the table with Him. Then Mary took a pound of very costly oil of spikenard, anointed the feet of Jesus, and wiped His feet with her hair. And the house was filled with the fragrance of the oil." (Luke 12: 1-3) Martha is still doing what she does best, serving. Mary is again worshiping on her knees. And the one who was raised from the dead is sitting. Wouldn't it make more sense for Lazarus to be up doing something important? Wouldn't you think that considering what Jesus had done for him, that Lazarus would be doing something for Him? The Bible doesn't tell us anything that Lazarus did after he was raised from the dead, except that he sat. No books, no great speeches. He just sat at a table with Jesus.
Ethan does a lot of sitting. What God showed me is that it isn't what Ethan can do that will make a difference. It is what He has done for Ethan that will make his life count. For those that have eyes to see, Ethan's life, even with him just sitting, will be an example of God's compassion, His grace, and His power. "This sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God that the Son of God may be glorified through it." (John 11:4) I am humbled that God has chosen my son through which to glorify His Son.
I know that I get so busy in trying to do for God, in trying to make a difference, that I don't spend enough time with Him, just sitting at His table with Him, to let Him be glorified through me. Amazing that He could use me. Now that's some kind of mercy, some kind of grace, and some kind of power!
I remember now a special moment that happened only a couple of weeks ago. When my niece and her new groom walked out of the church after their wedding, and my sister and the groom's mother had been escorted out of the church, my little family had the opportunity to walk down the aisle of that beautiful church. The pews were filled with many people who knew our story and who had prayed for a miracle for us. I thought, as my husband pushed Ethan in his wheelchair, and my oldest son and I followed behind them, this is what God has done. Look and see what God has done! All for His glory and our good.
Bless you. I hope that today you may have a few minutes just to sit with Jesus.
At the wedding reception